Lesson for Later in Life
by Siyui No Akatsuki
Summary: Shiri Makushi, The Spark Alchemist, didn't expect her cat going down an alley could get her into so much trouble. Or that it would aid in getting her captured by Public Enemy #1. And #2. Plus #3. Oh, dear. EnvyxOC, EdxOC
1. Lesson 1: Don't follow your Cat

**A/N: ZOMG! I have a new story!! ^gasp^ You guys out there better thank my friend Mai-chan because she's the only reason you guys are seeing this story! So, claps to you, Mai-chan! Okay… Well, since it's your story Envy, you can do the disclaimer!  
Envy: Siyui doesn't own FMA, a banana, or anything else for that matter, accept Shiri,oh,and her cat Ed. But other than that, nothing really.  
Siyui: Gee, thanks.  
Envy: You're welcome.  
Siyui: ^Rolls eyes^ Anyway, enough with the speaking! Time for chapter uno of…..  
Lessons for Later in Life.**

**Xxx Now Beta-ed by.... xxBittersweet Melancholyxx!!!! *bows* All thanks go to her!!**

__________________

Lesson 1: Don't follow your cat into dark allies. May be hazardous to one's health.

__________________

I ran down the narrow hallway, my feet making small taps on the tile. "Dammit, I can't be late again!" I said to myself, wondering how I was going to evade his punishment today. "Please not let him notice…" I whispered quietly to myself, closing my eyes for a brief second before I continued with my silent feeble prayer, "Or I will surely die…"

I rounded another corner, the door just within my grasp. My hand closed in on the door's brass handle, as I pushed open the wooden door. As my eyes warily scanned the seemingly empty room, a grin slowly spread out on my features as I let out a inaudible sigh of relief for realization of one fact: There was nobody there.

I pumped a fist of victory into the air, "Yes! No one's here, so I'm not—"

"You're late, Shiri." I did a full 360 degree turn only turn to face none other then Roy Mustang. I scowled before responding with a finger placed on my watch for emphasis, "You're late too!"

He replied, "Well, I can be late. You can't." Walking past my sulking figure and into his, he finally added, "You know the deal, Lt. Shiri." I grimaced from his strictly formal statement, before walking over to my own station.

I twitched, "I hate you with every fiber of my mutual being, you know that?" He waved off my comment like it was a bee, before leaning back lazily in his chair. "Sure, sure. Just do your work."

I glared at him pointingly, finally sitting down in my seat."You mean your work."

He shrugged impassively. "I did tell you that if you were late again, you would have to do both of our paperwork." I scoffed, taking out my faithful pen before pulling out the first sheet from the mountain of paperwork that was piled ontop of my desk, "I think it's just an excuse not to do your paperwork…" I mumbled, already finishing my first sheet and pulling out the next one before I continued, "You sadist…"

Roy glanced at me sleepily, raising an eyebrow."What did you call me?"He asked while yawning, starting to fall asleep.  
"Oh, nothing." I said sweetly, getting another sheet of doom from the gigantic pile that was placed in front of me.

-xXx--

"You making Shiri do all of your paperwork again, Mustang?" I heard a familiar voice call from the doorway as I glanced up from my papercut-prone doom only to see the mountain of paperwork blocking my view. "..Ed?" I asked the air, not being able to see anything. "If you're there, I can't see you! Wait, I can see Al… Hey Al!" I called from my station, grinning.

"Hello Shiri-chan."Al replied politely.

"Maybe it's because you're so short, Ed."I could almost hear the coy familiar smirk on his facial expression as I thought silently to myself; Oh god Roy, don't push him…

"DO NOT CALL ME SO SHORT THAT I CAN ONLY BE MEASURED IN MILIMETERS!" Yup, Ed's definitely here:And in stereo. Double brownie points.

"Brother, he didn't say any of that…"Al remarked with a invisible sweat drop growing on the side of his forehead, no doubt holding Ed back from killing the crap out of the god-complexed colonel. I suddenly stood up before walking out of the range of mentally scarring paperwork of doom. "Wow, Ed!" I started to speak,a devious plot going through my little head as I cracked out a grin.

--xXThird person point of viewXx--

"What?"Ed asked, shaking himself out of the younger Elric's grasp. The small military girl grinned before continuing, "I think you got shorter in the past week! What are you, three feet?"

Cue anime vein."What do you mean 'short'?!"Edward yelled at a grinning Shiri before he continued with a statement that just resulted in setting her off, "I'm freaking taller than you!"

"I am not shorter then you, shrimp!"

"Well, if I'm a shrimp, you're a plankton!"

"Do not call me after various microscopic sea creatures, doofus!"

"Idiot!"

"Only idiots call people idiots, idiot!"

"You just used it three times!"

"Well, you have to be a regulated height to use the word, 'idiot'!"

"You don't fill the bill!"

"You don't either, squirt!"

"I won't hesitate to kick your butt just because you're a girl!"

"And I won't hesitate to kick you're butt because _you're_ a girl!"

"Did you just call me a girl?!"

"Yes I did! Girly girl Mcgirlystein! That's your name!" Al glanced in-between Shiri and Ed worriedly, hoping they wouldn't kill each other. Roy, who was recently busy laughing his butt off at the sight, finally stopped laughing, wiping a tear from his eyes.

He smirked knowingly, "How about we say that both of you are short and let's leave it at that." Ed and Shiri turned to the colonel, glaring, before out bursting, "Stay out of it, Flame-for-Brains!" Roy sighed as he watched them continue their shorty-rant war, all the same thinking, '_It's amazing how much alike they are…._'

--xXx--

"I'm going to eat." Shiri announced from behind the evidently smaller pile of paperwork. After her lengthy fight with Ed (it lasted about an hour), she had been trying to steadily decrease the growing amount of paperwork. It had decreased a lot, but there was still about three hours worth of work left to do.

"What makes you think you can leave, Spark?" Roy said, just waking up from his illustrious nap.

"Because I am as hungry as crap, and I will beat your stupid arse until there is nothing left, got it?!" She said, or rather screamed, as she stomped out of the room with a silent fuming huff.

Roy scoffed, "Geez, what's with the hostility? It's not like I was going to say no…" The colonel grumbled under his breath, following behind the female state alchemist in the direction of the eastern headquarters' common cafeteria area.

--xXx--

"She's adorable! Fourteen months old and she can already crawl! Isn't it amazing?" Maes Hughes beamed, shoving pictures of his daughter, Elicia, into Ed's face who was busy trying to reject the gesture.

"Um, most babies can do that.." Shiri said, smiling slightly and sitting down next to the eldest Elric brother. "But it's just the way she did it! Her gracefulness!" He grinned proudly, tears streaming down his eyes and pointing at himself. "She inherited that from her father, of course." He placed one foot onto the table, where a plate happened to be.

"Oof!!" He slipped and landed on the ground on his butt."Yeah, you're so graceful…" Ed said while rolling his eyes. Shiri grinned while all the same thinking, '_And I know these insane people… Why?_'

Al laughed, "Elicia_ is_ kinda cute..."

Ed looked at his younger brother, eyes showing evidently the feeble word, 'betrayed' as Edward exclaimed, "No Al, don't!" Maes popped up from the ground in half a mili second later, pictures ready in hand.

"Ya know, Maes," Shiri said, grinning at Ed as he sent her glances screaming, 'No! Please don't do this to me!' But, Shiri, being Shiri, she continued on with her sentence, "I'm sure Ed would love to see all the photos of Elicia at her birthday party! Because I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to miss out on anything, now would he? I mean like, she was so cute!"

"I know, right? I don't think there's anything cuter! Here Ed, look…" Maes rambled on with his sentence, the poor young blonde teenager banging his head on the table repeatedly.

Shiri grinned at Ed's dismay before speaking again, "Aw, is something wrong Ed?" Ed glanced up from the indent he left in the side of the table and glowered at her menacingly."You…"

Shiri put up her hands defensively with a grin plastered on her face, "Whoa! Don't go scary alchemist on me, Ed! What are you going to do?"

Ed grinned his,'I'm-going-to-kill-you-in-60-seconds'grin before responding to the young female alchemist, "Nothing… Much."

--xXx--

--xXFIRST PERSON, BELIEVE IT!O_OXx--

"You are a very mean person, you know that?"I said to Ed, a deep scowl etched onto my face. Lunch had ended a while ago, but I apparently was still here. "Ya know how many people have said that?" Ed said, stepping back to admire his finished work.

"Brother, you really should let her down.." Al said uncertainly. I was currently hanging upside down from the VERY HIGH CELING by two metal bars that were attached to my chair, which was attached across my figure."I know." Ed said, as if he was proud of the fact.

"Ed… If you don't let me down now… I will…" I growled out, my hand reaching up to hold my necklace. Al looked worried.

"Um, Ed…" I grinned, my hand shining menacingly.

"Ed… Run." I flung my hand at him, a metal pole coming straight out of it and towards him. He grinned and slapped his hands on the ground, a giant wall coming up, my pole shoving into it, but not breaking through."How about that, huh?!" Ed yelled, grinning. I scowled, and then suddenly grinned again with an idea coming across my mind.

"How about this?!" I held my other hand to my necklace, then held the pole with both  
hands.

"What are you—" Electricity flew through the pole and into the wall, making both of them untouchable. The wall crumbled, making me able to shoot the pole forward and two inches away from Ed's face.

"Got anything to say?" He scowled at the remark, clapping his hands together again. Big, iron stairs formed under me, and I grinned as I hopped out of the seat I recently was in and walked down the stairs.

"See? Wasn't that easy—" I was cut off by wooden bars surrounding me, and Ed grinning. "How's that?"

I grinned, grabbing the bars with one hand, my necklace with the other. "Haven't you learned yet?" The bars deteriorated, tiny flecks of electricity shining.

"The Fuhrer was right to call you 'The Spark Alchemist', Shiri." Ed, Al, and I all looked towards the voice behind us, as Ed scowled in annoyance. "Hughes, what do you want?"

Maes grinned, shrugging. "Shiri, Roy wants to know where the heck you are, and that you're gonna have to work late."

I scowled brushing myself off, as I grumbled, "He could have just told me that himself…"

"He said you would say that."

I grimaced, walking out of the room in the direction of the office once more mumbling, "Stupid Colonel Idiot…"

Maes called from the other room knowingly, "He said you'd say that too."

--xXx--

I frowned, "I am not working late."

"Yes you are. Until you get all of this paperwork done, you have to work." I scowled at the colonel, my hands slamming ontop of his wooden desk before exclaiming, "All the paperwork left is YOUR paperwork!"

"You're making Shiri do your paperwork, Colonel Mustang?" Riza Hawkeye asked her colonel patiently, gun cocked in her left hand.

"Uhhh…"

"Well, did you?"

I could feel fake innocent tears coming to my eyes as I wailed, over exaggerating the statement a little bit, "He was so mean to me! He said I could only have a twenty-minute lunch break! And, when I was one minute late, he said I had to do his paperwork and do double overtime!"

Roy glared at me, and then looked at Riza, his hands in front of him."Now, come on, you know none of that is true—"

"You will do your paperwork now, and if I hear about you not doing your paperwork.."She left him to elaborate, her hand still on the gun. "O-okay." She left the room, and Roy took his chance to glare at me. "Shiri…"

I grinned."Roy, I would really do your paperwork if I were you…" We suddenly heard a gun click outside, showing that it was ready for firing.

"Fine…" he said, loud enough for Riza to hear, but then he then whispered loud enough for me to hear with a devious glint in his eye, "But I'm going to get you back.."

---xXx--

"Not cool. Not cool at all."

Roy grinned. "Payback."

I shook my head. "This is not payback. This is torture." I was tied to a chair (again) so I wouldn't escape (I have to admit, I was thinking about it) as I was facing the window. "What are you going to make me do?" His grin got wider, and I saw Black Hayate trot into the room as he responded, "You…" I prepared myself for the worst until he finished, "Have to do only one thing."

I sighed in relief inaudibly. "That's it? I can last!"

He smirked. "You don't even know what you have to do."

I scowled again. "What, pray tell, do I have to do?"

He grinned. "Well, you have to… Clean up all of Black Hayate's 'bathroom moments'."

"So? How bad is that?"

--xXFIVE MINUTES LATER!Xx--

"Geez, I'm gonna die." I said to myself, holding in one arm a bag, the other hand a wash rag. Both of my hands currently had gloves on as I surveyed the mess. "Roy, you did this on purpose, didn't you?" I didn't know it was possible, but poop was EVERYWHERE, and when I say everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE.

I sulked, "Colonel Fire-Arse, I'm going to kill you…"

"I heard that!"He called from the other room, as I fumed to myself silently; Oh, so he hadn't left yet…

--xXx--

I opened the door to my apartment, tired as crap (Hahahaha… Get it?). "So sleepy…" I grumbled silently to myself. I walked into the room, setting down all of my stuff on the semi-beat up couch. I was just about to lay on said couch when a blonde bar of fur jumped onto me. "Oh, hey Ed…" The little blonde cat looked at me with golden eyes, as if trying to say something— oh, did I mention I named my cat after Ed for a reason?

Well, it had all started when Al hid ANOTHER cat in his armor. Ed, hater of all things in cat-form, wanted to get rid of it. But, this cat was special. It looked like Ed, only catish. Not only that, but it acted like him too. It slept on its back, hated milk, and had a perma-scowl on its cat face. But, the most startling resemblance was when anyone ever called the cat 'small', the cat would bound into an uncontrollable rage on said person's soul.

Anyway.

I showed Ed the cat, and he said he couldn't keep it, so, why not I keep it? Plus, the best thing about it: It HATES Roy!

Back to the point; Ed was looking at me expectantly, like I should be doing something. "What?" I asked it, and he turned his nose to his empty food bowl as I blinked in realization. "Oh! You want food, don't you?" The cat nodded exasperatedly. "Geez, no need to be mean."

I walked over to the food bag, and grimaced when I saw there was nothing in there. "Well, you're just going to have to wait till tomorrow…" Ed glared at me. And glared at me. _And glared at me._

"Okay, fine. We'll go and get some food." Ed smiled, prancing over to the door and waiting impatiently. I slid my coat back on, grimacing. "For a cat, you're very demanding…"

_--xXx--

I walked down the streets, my head stuffed into my coat pockets with Ed trotting behind me. "I can't believe you dragged me out here at this time of night, Ed…" Ed looked up at me, looking at me with his cute cat eyes as his ears perked upward curiously.

"Fine…" We finally reached the store in a few minutes, as I sat down on the bench outside of it before Ed glared at me pointingly.

"What? I don't get a rest?" Glare. "Okay, I'm going, I'm going…" I entered the store, Ed in tow. I scanned the rows of assorted cat food, checking the prices. I finally found the one I wanted, so I walked over to the cash register. "I'll take this please." I said, pulling out my wallet (it's decorated with flying cows).

"That'll be 14 sens, m'am." I nodded.

"Okay… Here ya go…" I handed him the money, he gave me my receipt, and I walked out. Ed was prancing happily beside me, glad that he had his food. As we walked past an alleyway, his smile disappeared, as he bolted down the dark alley.

"Ed!" I sat down the cat food, and ran after him. "Ed, you know you shouldn't just run off!" I followed him all the way down, until the alley came to a dead end. "Ed, what is it?" He sat next to the wall, and I walked over to him, picking him up. "Aw, you're shivering…" I petted Ed in my hands, leaning against the wall. "Wha—"

"What is the Spark Alchemist doing down an alley like this?" I glanced up to the voice that spoke as I took in his features. It was a guy, and I had to say, he was on the handsome side. (A/N: Damn straight.) He had long dark green hair that fell to his side in big spikes, making him resemble a palm tree. He was wearing a sleeveless halter-shirt that stopped at his abs, plus shorts that were covered, making it look like he was wearing a skirt. Hehehe, skirt.. Nevertheless... His amethyst eyes bored into mine menacingly. "Who… are you?"

The guy grinned. "I'm sorry, but I don't really need to tell you that."

I frowned, putting my hands on my hips. "Why not?" Ed started shivering even more.

"Because." I scowled at his statement before he continued again, "I already said I don't have to tell you."

"Not a good answer." I sat Ed down before I suddenly smashed my palms onto the ground, iron bars rising around the guy and enclosing him. He grinned, which was something I didn't expect.

"You expect to capture me so easily, Sparky?" I scowled as he braked through the iron bars, bending them. I held onto my necklace, grimacing. He walked up to me, grabbing my chin with his hand and inspecting my face.

"Black hair… Green eyes… You match her perfectly." He grinned, pushing me on the wall. "You're even kinda cute, Sparky." Ed finally got the guts to growl at him, making the guy scowl in annoyance at him.

"Cat, don't make me kill you…" I clenched my hands, pushing him away and picking up Ed defensively.

"You're not touching my cat, Mr. Palm Tree."

He glared at me, stepping closer to me."What did you just call me?!"

I took in a big breath, wanting him to believe I was much stronger than I really was."Mr. Palm Tree. Can't you hear?" He stepped up to me, two inches from my face.

"Listen girl. I have a very short temper, and I'm not afraid to kill you. Doesn't matter if you're cute." A sinister grin was instantly plastered on his face. "Actually, I prefer to kill you, but Father told me not to." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Who the hell is 'Father'?"

He grinned again, backing away from me before speaking, "You'll find out soon enough."

"Wha—" Before I could continue, he knocked me out. But, not before I could hear whispered in my ear, "The name's Envy."

**The moral of this is: Don't follow your cat into dark alleys. It's an extreme no-no. You might find dangerous palm trees waiting for you.**

--xXx--

**A/N: Well, that's it for ze first chapter!!! Tell me if ya liked it, if it's too short or too long, if it needs to be incinerated because of its terribleness, anything. I need ta know. Greed, tell them to review!!!  
Greed: Review.  
Siyui: More convincing.  
Greed: Review, dammit.  
Siyui: Yeah, that'll get them to review…  
Greed: Review or I'll get a dictionary and shove it so far up your butt that you can TASTE THE KNOWLEDGE!  
Siyui: Hmm… That's better. Anyway, like I said, please review, I need to know anything I can do to make this thing better. See ya, and stay in tune for the next lesson Shiri has to learn…**

**Lesson 2: Palm trees are NOT your friends…**

**Preview:**

_**"Bad Ed! I told you, attacking people's faces are bad!" Envy looked at me incredulously. "He's done it before?" I nodded, as if like any cat would try to annihilate a person's face. "Yup. This is the fourteenth time now."  
Greed growled ."That cat needs to be killed…"  
I glowered at him. "You come near my cat I'm going to murder you with a spoon."  
"…That's not even possible."  
"It's been done before." I said,** **nodding.**_


	2. Lesson 2: Palm Trees are NOT your Friend

**A/N: Hello, my good people!!! Siyui-no-Akatsuki here to present lesson two of **_**Lesson for Later in Life**_**!! In honor of new things happening in the **_**Naruto**_** manga, Itachi shall be doing the disclaimer!!**

**Itachi: Why do I have to do this?**

**Siyui: 'Cause I said so, and 'cause I gots dango.**

**Itachi: Good point… Siyui doesn't own FMA, just Shiri. Nothing else, you idiots.**

**Siyui: Wow. Short, sweet, and to the point. Thanks Ita-chan.**

**Itachi: Call me that again and your head comes off.**

**Siyui: I don't think you could pull that off.**

**Itachi: ^holding up sword^ Oh really? ^starts chasing her^**

**Siyui: ^starts running^ Well, read the story while I run awaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!**

**____________**

**Lesson 2: Palm Trees are NOT your Friends**

Where am I… I feel a bed, but where is the bed?

I slowly opened my eyes, unaware of my surroundings. I felt something lick my face, and I turned my head to be greeted by Ed.

I leaned up on the bed I was on and grinned. "Hey buddy! How's it goin'?" Ed stared at me, a scowl on his face. That's when I remembered.

_"Listen girl. I have a very short temper, and I'm not afraid to kill you." A sinister grin was instantly plastered on his face. "Actually, I prefer to kill you, but Father told me not to." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. _

_"Who's 'Father'?" He grinned again, backing away from me._

_"You'll find out soon enough."_

_"Wha—" Before I could continue, he knocked me out. But, not before I could hear, "The name's Envy."_

"Oh…" I murmured, yawning. Ed hopped onto my lap, him yawing too. "Are you sleepy too?" He looked up at me, and then curled up. I picked him up, getting out of the bed. I sat him back down on it as I brushed myself off. I checked to make sure that my necklace was still on before leaving the room, Ed groggily following along.

I slowly walked down the white hall; watching to make sure no one was following me. And, by the looks of it, no one was.

I came to a flight of stairs, which I was hesitant to go down. Ed nudged me further with his nose, so I walked down them slowly, until I heard voices.

"I got her." I heard the same voice from last night… Envy, wasn't it?

"I took ya long enough. If it was me, I would've gotten her along time ago." A harsher, deeper voice.

"Shut it, Greed." Envy snarled.

"Oh? Someone wake on on the wrong side of the bed?"

"I'm _serious_." I heard him threaten Greed.

"Anyway, where is she now?" I heard a woman ask. I heard a deep laugh, probably belonging to Greed.

"Well, I think she's listing in right now." My breath hitched. "Along with her cat." Poor Ed stopped in his tracks too, a worried expression on the little cat's face. I slowly walked from behind the wall, smiling sheepishly.

"Hey…?" I said, waving my hand slightly. I finally got a good look of the people who were talking. There was Envy, and then there was a guy with spiky short black hair, black circle-rim sunglasses, (A/N: HIPPY GLASSES!!!) and a sleeveless coat with fur at the rim with a tight black shirt underneath. Also, there was a beautiful lady with long black hair and a black dress, who turned and exited the room.

The guy with short, black hair (who I guessed was Greed) grinned. "Envy…" He started, getting up and walking over to me. "You didn't tell me she was so pretty…" Well, _that_ took me by surprise. He walked up closer to me, and I could see… how much taller he was than me. Damn.

"W-what?" Was all I could get out. I heard Ed growl…

"You heard me. Wanna go out with me?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Dude, I'm fifteen." He grinned.

"Doesn't matter, cutie— ACK!" Ed attack Greed, sending him flying to the ground.

"Get— this— cat— OFFA ME!" He yelled, Ed scratching the crap out of his face. Did I mention that Ed was very protective of me? I couldn't help laughing.

Envy snickered. "Didn't think you'd get beat up by her cat, Greed." Greed threw him a glare before trying to get Ed off of him again. I smoothly picked Ed up who, by the sneer on his face, wasn't done scratching up Greed's face.

"Are you okay Ed? Did the scary man hurt you?" I cooed, petting my cat reassuringly. Greed scowled.

"I am going to enjoy killing that cat." I glared at him dangerously.

"You touch my cat and I swear I will shove those hippy sunglasses so far up your butt that sun will be able to reflect off of it, got it?" Did I mention that I was very protective of my cat? Greed smirked.

"What can _you_ do, girl?" I smiled innocently.

"Oh… nothing… Except this." I slammed my elbow into his stomach, stomped on his foot with the heel of my steel-enforced boots, punched him in the head with my fist, and, last but not least, kneed him where the sun don't shine.

"How's that?" He looked up at me from his place on the ground, glaring.

"B-bitch…" I saluted him, grinning.

"And proud of it." Envy looked at me, smirking.

"You didn't have that much fight in you yesterday." I scowled at him.

"It was ten-o-clock at night and I was sleepy as crap. What did ya expect?" I deadpanned. Greed finally got up from the ground, glaring at me.

"Listen here girl," he started, picking me up by my collar. "You do as _I_ say, not the other way around." I narrowed my eyes, "Now, if you'd like to start over…" he suggested, setting me down. "I wouldn't mind complying…"

"Again, fifteen…"Guess what happened next?

"GET THIS CAT OFFA ME!" Ed jumped him again, this time attacking him with the fury of a thousand angry house cats. Envy sighed, grinning.

"Don't you see her cat doesn't like it when you do stuff like that?" I grinned.

"He doesn't really like anybody, actually." I said thoughtfully, pulling Ed off of Greed's face. "Ed, did he hurt you? Huh?" I asked Ed, who was glaring at Greed.

It looked as if Greed and Ed had entered a fired-up staring contest, because I'm sure I could see sparks. "I did not come here to be mauled by a stupid kitty-cat." I sighed.

"Holy crap." I muttered. Greed turned to me, confused.

"What?" Before he could say anything, Ed attacked him, _again_. Envy laughed, amused.

"Cats don't like you, do they, Greed?" Ed stopped attacking Greed's face long enough for him to glare at Envy.

"Shut. Up." He hissed. I tugged Ed off of Greed's face (wow, I was actually starting to feel sorry for him), smiling at him.

"Bad Ed! I told you, attacking people's faces are bad!" Envy looked at me incredulously.

"He's done it before?" I nodded, like any cat would do it.

"Yup. This is the fourteenth time now." Greed growled.

"That cat needs to be killed…" I glowered at him.

"You come near my cat I'm going to murder you with a spoon."

"…That's not even possible."

"It's been done before." I said, nodding. Greed mumbled something, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I'm leaving before that cat has another spazz attack…" He left the room, a stream of curses following him. I swiveled around, heading for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" I turned my head to Envy and rolled my eyes.

"You really think I'm going to stay here?" I said, like it was common knowledge. Envy folded his arms and got up from the couch he was sitting on.

"No, but you're not going anywhere, girl." I laughed sourly.

"Sure, sure." I scoffed. Before I could even blink, I was slammed against the wall fiercely, Envy's mauve eyes glaring at mine.

"Do you have a death wish, Sparky?" At first, I didn't want to speak, but I forced myself to.

"It seems like I do sometimes, doesn't it?" I said, not realizing how stupid I really was until it came out of my mouth. He scowled, slamming me against the wall again, pain shooting down my spine as I cringed.

"Do **not **talk to me like that, understand?" I held one shaking hand to my necklace, but nonetheless, I nodded. Envy grinned.

"Good. Now come on—" I punched him in the stomach with my lightning-enforced right hand, sending him into the wall across the room. I allowed myself to grin, but stopped when I noticed _him _grinning. Wait; usually, that paralyzes people…

"Not smart, Sparky." He grinned, running up and kneeing me violently in the stomach. A little blood trickled out of my mouth, making me cough a little. "Didn't expect me to get back up, did ya?" Envy asked, the grin on his face becoming more malicious by the second. I scowled as he punched me again, this time in the jaw. "Answer me!" I didn't respond because I was too concentrated on Ed, who was shaking at my feet. The grin disappeared from Envy's face. "I said, 'Answer me!" he punched me in the stomach, the again in the face.

"N-no." I grounded out hoarsely, more blood coming out of my mouth. "B-but…"

"But what?" he asked, pressing me harder against the wall.

"But" I started weakly, "It doesn't mean I'm afraid of you…" Before he could respond at all, I instantly blacked out.

____Hi. This is a line._________Hi. This is a line._________Hi. This is a line._______Hi. This is a line.____

"What?!" Roy yelled, angrily slamming his hands on his hard wood desk. "Shiri's been… kidnapped?!"

Second Lt. Jean Havoc nodded curtly. "Yes. She didn't come to work today, of course, and no one's seen her." Roy had a fierce expression on his face, his eyebrows drawn together.

"Who was it? Where was it? What time was it?" he asked in a flow of questions. Havoc sighed.

"We don't know much yet, sir."

"Well, what _do_ you know? You guys must know _something_! Someone must have been there." Havoc thought for a moment.

"Well, a clerk said that he had seen Shiri at about ten o' clock because she came into the store to buy some cat food."

"And?"

"And, when the clerk followed her to give her the change, he saw a guy follow her down the alley."

"Do they know who the guy was?"

"They speculate it was the Homunculi, Envy." Roy sighed, looking at Havoc from behind his hands.

"Havoc, contact Edward Elric and his brother."

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"Envy, Father said specifically not to hurt her!" Lust said, her arms crossed over her chest. Envy huffed childishly.

"Do I look like I care?" He stole a glance at the unconscious Shiri, who was lying on the couch. Ed was sitting right in front of her, like he was protecting her.

"Well, you should. Father put her in your care—"

"What?!" Envy yelled, "Why did Father put her in _my_ care?!" Lust smiled.

"Because," she said, "he thought it would be… interesting." She took her exit, leaving Envy fuming.

"I don't have time for this!"

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I slowly opened my eyes, the bright light stinging them. All I could see (or feel, for that matter) was Ed, who was licking my face.

"C'mon Ed, stop!" I laughed, swatting him away. I made the mistake of leaning up and instantly fell back, the pain at my sides searing.

"Don't get up. You have broken ribs." I turned my eyes to Envy, who was sitting in the window seal, looking out the window.

I looked at my stomach, and noticed how it was neatly wrapped in beige bandages, criss-crossing until my arms. Then, a question struck me.

"Ah… er…" I stuttered, trying to figure out how I was supposed to word it… Envy sighed.

"Lust, the lady you saw before, did it. Not me or Greed." After that, there was silence, but it was kind of peaceful. Until…

"Hey chick! How's it goin'? You look pretty scratched up, ya know!" I turned my head lazily to the door, Greed grinning at me. He walked over to the side of my bed as I sat up (Geez, it was painful…).

"Now, what do you think the answer to that question is?" I worded slowly, rolling my eyes. He grinned even wider.

"Now, no need to be smart, cutie."

"I don't want to be stupid like you, do I?" Greed held his hand to his heart.

"That hurt right here, cutie." I rolled my eyes, swinging my legs to the side of the bed.

"Well, that's good." I muttered, yawning. Greed was just about to say something, but Envy beat him to it.

"Get lost." Envy said sourly, still looking out the window. Greed's grin disappeared for a second, but then came back, his eyes shining with a tinge of mischief from behind his sunglasses.

"Oh, so now you're protective of her after you've beaten her up?" He shook his head in mock disappointment as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Does he understand that I'm fifteen? "That's not the way to treat a lady." Envy growled, clenching his fist.

"I said, 'get lost', bastard!" In the blink of an eye, Envy's hand morphed into a blade seamlessly and sliced Greed's head off in one swipe. My eyes widened, me giving Envy a look of revulsion.

"Why the hell did you do that?!" I yelled, my ribs throbbing as soon as the words came out of my mouth. He shrugged, like he sliced people's heads off daily (I would not be surprised if he does).

"He was annoying me. Why else?" I watched as Greed's body fell lifelessly to the ground.

"B-but that no reason to kill him!" I stated my eyes wide.

"I didn't kill him." I stared at him incredulously.

"What do you call cutting off his head? An act of endearment?" I said sarcastically.

"Glad you're worried 'bout me, cutie." I was lost for words. Greed was… right next to me? One word: WHAT?!?!?!

"B-but… how…?" Greed grinned, and I could see a smile on Envy's face.

"Cutie—" Greed started.

"Please don't call me that." I deadpanned, glaring at him slightly. He grinned.

"_Cutie_," he said, just to make me angry, "We're Homunculi. We don't die."

These guys— Envy and Greed— are an infamous Homunculi? I thought they were just rumors, stuff parents make up to scare kids into going to bed. But, to have a homunculi, you have to have a person to control them…

I yawned, picking up Greed's arm and getting it off my shoulder. "So…" I began, "Am I allowed to eat?"

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"Slow down, Sparky! The food's not going anywhere!" I looked up at Envy, a mouthful of rice in my mouth.

"I'mb starbing Ebvy!" I swallowed my food, and then glared at him.

"My name's not 'Sparky'. It's Shiri. Last time I checked, anyway." Truly, I expected Envy to get angry at me, but, to my surprise, he grinned.

"I can call you whatever I want," he said, sitting in the chair across from me, "Got it, Sparky?" I ate more rice and nodded dumbly. I didn't need anymore broken ribs… Then, I remembered something.

"Envy?"

"Mhm?"

"Where's Ed? Ya know, my cat?" Envy shrugged.

"Dunno." I sighed. "And don't care…"

"Where did he—"

"Big brother, where did this cat come from?" I heard a soft voice ask. I turned to the doorway, and saw a cute kid, about six years old, with long, wild black hair and big lavender eyes. To my surprise he was holding Ed in his small hands. Envy rolled his eyes, looking away.

"Well, that solved your cat problem." I heard him mumble something else, but I couldn't here it. The boy grinned at me, showing two rows of… sharp teeth…

"Is this your cat?" He held up Ed by his armpits. I was surprised, to say the least. Usually Ed scratches the crap out of people when they do that… Before I could say anything, though, Envy scowled.

"Of course it's her cat, Wrath. Who else's cat can it be, mine?"

"You have a cat big brother? What kind is it? What's its name?" Wrath asked, his eyes filled with childish wonder. Envy looked like he was just about to slap himself in the face repeatedly.

"No! I do not have a cat! I told you, it's her cat!" He pointed at me exasperatedly. Wrath nodded happily. I looked at Envy, and then smiled at Wrath.

"Thanks for finding my cat. Where was he?" Wrath smiled again.

"He was in Greed's room, trapped in a cage." I scowled.

"Homunculi or not, I will find some way to kill him…" I mumbled under my breath. Envy turned his head to me.

"What?" I smiled, already plotting inside of my head.

"Oh, nothin'…"

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The Elric brothers walked down the long hall, the younger of the two's feet making _click-clunk_ movements on the porcelain tile.

Ed frowned. "Something's wrong, Al."

"Why would you think that, brother?" Ed looked up and down the hall.

"Do you see anyone, Al?"

"No, but—" Havoc sped down the hall towards them.

"Fullmetal, Colonel Mustang needs you!" Ed grimaced, the resentment clear on his face.

"Why?"

"It's about Shiri."

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"Envy kidnapped Shiri?!" Ed and Al yelled simultaneously at Roy.

"Yes. I just stated that, didn't I? The clerk at the store Shiri went to saw Envy take her." Ed growled, clenching his fist.

"Why didn't he do anything then?! Huh?" he yelled. And, by the look on his face, Al felt the same way.

Roy scowled. "Yelling isn't going to get anybody anywhere, Fullmetal." That seemed to make Ed angrier.

"Well, you aren't doing anything!" Roy stood up, glaring at Ed.

"What can we do? We don't know anything much yet! Just going out there and searching for her without knowing where she is isn't going to help!"

"Both of you yelling aren't helping!"Riza yelled unexpectedly. Roy and Ed (basically everybody) turned to Riza as she continued. "And tearing up the whole city in a giant deadly rampage _definitely _isn't going to help, Roy!! She may only be fifteen, but I'm pretty sure a state alchemist can take care of herself!!" Al nodded.

"She's right…" Al started, "And I'm pretty sure that Shiri can hold out until we think of something. She's Shiri, after all." Roy sighed, knowing that the younger Elric brother was right.

"Okay… Fullmetal, you are to be stationed in Central until further notice." A smile was threatening to show up on Ed's face, "Your mission is to find Shiri," Roy's face turned serious, "but **do not** do anything stupid." Ed grinned a grin we know all-to-well.

"You have me confused with yourself, Colonel."

**A/N; Greetings!!! Enjoy the chapter? What is Ed gonna do? And I'm talking about the alchemist, not the cat!! We all know the cat is going to murder Greed eventually…**

**Greed: Why does he hate me?**

**Siyui: Oh, I dunno. I just thought it would be funny…**

**Everyone: WHICH IT WAS!!!**

**Greed: ^goes in Greed-style emo corner^**

**Siyui: ^shakes finger^ Tsk, tsk, the emo corner is Mai-chan's, Greed. **

**Mai-chan: She's right. NOW BEAT IT!! ^kicks him out^ Oh, and you guys should review, kay? **

**Siyui: Jes, please review!!! And, for all of you people who reviewed last time, the next lesson in store for our friend Shiri is:**

**Lesson 3: Don't tell your enemy how you plan to escape. **

**Preview:**

_**I backed up into a wall, grinning sheepishly. "Erm, Shiri no for eating!!" Gluttony grinned, walking up closer to me.**_

_**"You look tasty!!" **_

_**"I'm sure I do…" I turned to Envy, who suddenly found a book very interesting. "Help!!!" He looked up at me, and then returned his gaze back to his book.**_

_**"You can eat her." My eyes widened.**_

_**"Envy?!?!" He set his book down, annoyed.**_

_**"Yeesh, I was just kidding…"**_


	3. Lesson 3: Don't tell your escape plan

**A/N: Hello, my good readers!! This is Siyui-no-Akatsuki here, with another thrilling chapter of **_**Lessons for Later in Life**_**!! Greed, since you don't get any show time in this chappie, you can do the disclaimer!!**

**Greed: Siyui-no-Akatsuki doesn't own FMA, or the Homunculus. She does, however, own Shiri, because she is of her creation.**

**Siyui: Arigatou, Greed. Anyway, I would love to say a premature happy-birthday to my friend, Isume-Koneko-Chan!!! This chapter's for you!!! Oh, and don't think I forgot about you, Mai-chan!!! You're b-day's up soon, and I already know what I'm gonna do… ^evil laughter^**

**Greed: She does have something planned. Trust me, I was there… She wouldn't leave me alone and kept stole my glasses…**

**Siyui: ^wearing Greed's glasses^ Peace out, and enjoy the chapter!!! **

**_________________**

_**Lesson 3: Don't tell you enemy your plans of escape. It's not really an 'escape plan of awesomeness' anymore.**_

**_________________**

"I hate you so much." I growled, crossing my sleeveless arms and glaring as I sat down at the far end of the bed.

Envy grinned as he lay down on the bed and looked up at me. "Did you really expect me to let you be in a room, all by yourself, Sparky?"

"I was really hoping so…" I muttered to myself as Ed hopped into my lap and went to sleep. Envy leaned up and threw me a bored look.

"You're a state alchemist, correct?"

"Yes…" I said, wondering where the heck this was going.

"Well, that means that to some degree, you have good alchemist powers?" I nodded.

"Sure, let's go with that." He grinned then, propping his head up with his hand and laying on his side to look at me.

"Do you really think that we didn't factor in the possibility of you using those alchemy powers to escape?"

"…Damn." I mumbled, uncrossing my arms. I yawned again, stretching my arms out like I was trying to reach the the heavens. Envy turned his gaze towards me again, a grin lining his face.

"You sleepy?" I shook the yawn off and looked at him.

"No, not—" A yawn interrupted my sentence, proving my statement erroneous. He lifted an eyebrow.

"Care to repeat that again, Sparky?" I scowled at him, standing up and picking up a pillow.

"Leave me alone…" I mumbled, going into a corner of the room and setting my pillow down. "I'm sleeping over here…" Envy smirked, sitting up.

"Oh really? Why would you do that when you can sleep in a bed?" I glared at him from my not-so-comfortable corner of awesome awesomeness.

"Because, I don't want to sleep in the same bed with the likes of _you_!" I said crossly, curling up into a ball in my make-shift bed. Envy's smirk turned into a grin as he patted the bed-space next to himself.

"Aw, there's a nice, warm spot right here for ya, Sparky!" My eyes widened.

"Hell no!!!" I yelled, shifting into my corner more. Envy put on a fake look of hurt.

"I won't bite." He said, a grin coming onto his face, "Much." I turned my back to him to face the corner.

"Weirdo…" I muttered, my eyes getting heavier, and heavier…

**(Siyui: Hmm… Funny, I have nothing to really say right now…)(Sasuke: That's a first.)(What are you even DOING in here?!)(Dunno, really.)**

"Wake up, Sparky." My response:

"Go to hell…" I muttered.

"Sorry, kicked out. Now wake up!" I opened one eye to the newest person on my hit list.

"Leave me alone…" I mumbled, "I'm sleeping."

"Then how are you talking, idiot?" I took a moment to glare at Envy, before flicking him off and trying to resume my wonderful sleep. I heard a growl, and then I was lifted off of my wonderful spot on the ground and thrown into a wall.

"Rise and shine." Envy muttered smugly, his arms crossed as I rubbed my right side in pain. I looked out to window, gazing at the… darkness?!

"Why the hell did you wake me up? What time is it?" Envy looked around, spotting a clock.

"'Bout… 9:00pm." I gawked at him.

"Then I've only been asleep for an hour!!" He shrugged, walking out the room.

"I don't care." He said plainly, motioning with his finger for me to follow him to wherever he decided he wanted to go. "C'mon." I reluctantly followed my captor, flicking him off whenever he wasn't looking at me.

"You know—" Flick off. "—that I know—" Flick off. "—when you—" Flick off. "—do that—" Flick off. "—right?" I scowled, flicking him off one last time before I crossed my arms.

"Where the hell are you taking me?" He grinned that evil ha-ha-you'll-hate-this-but-I-love-seeing-you-in-pain grin.

"I need to introduce you into a few of my… comrades." I hated how he hesitated when he said 'comrades'.

We walked down the stairs to the main room, where I guessed Envy's 'comrades' were waiting, me thinking about the many possible ways to get out of this place…

"Stop daydreaming." I was ordered by Envy as he pointed into another room. I walked into it slowly, looking around the corner, where I was greeted by a very…_ interesting_ sight.

It wasn't the lady (she was the same one I saw before) that bothered me; it was the giant FAT guy that smiled creepily at me with this giant FAT grin. Two words: Holy crap.

"Um… Hello?" I offered to them. I'm pretty sure I heard Envy snicker at my reaction, but I was in no way sure. The lady, probably sensing my cowardice to talk to this strange, strange man, stepped forward.

"Hello, I'm Lust." Then she pointed at IT. "And this is Gluttony." He waved his hand in the air wildly at me.

"Can I eat you?" Okay out of all the weird questions I've been asked in my life, this one really took the cake.

He started walking towards me, hands outstretched. I backed up into a wall, grinning sheepishly. "Erm, Shiri no for eating!!" Gluttony grinned, walking up closer to me.

"You look tasty!!"

"I'm sure I do…" I turned to Envy, who suddenly found a book very interesting. "Help!!!" He looked up at me, and then returned his gaze back to his book.

"You can eat her." My eyes widened.

"Envy?!?!" He set his book down, annoyed.

"Yeesh, I was just kidding…" He said in a manner that told me that he probably wasn't kidding. "We have to go, anyway. Gluttony can eat you later." I rolled my eyes as he started to drag me out the front door.

"Yes. I can't wait to be eaten." I said sarcastically as we started to walk outside the giant house. Trees surrounded us everywhere I turned, so I didn't know where we are. "Where are we going at nine-o-clock at night?" I asked, yawning in the middle of it. I just then noticed Envy's change of attire, which were blue jeans, a dark red t-shirt and an unzipped jacket.

Envy stopped dragging me enough to grin. "Can't tell you_ where_ we're going, but I can tell you that we're going to meet someone very familiar…" I raised an eyebrow as I picked up my cat, who seemed to be following us.

**(Siyui: Wow, I left that on an eerie note, don't ya think?)(Sasuke: I don't think they care.)(Shut up. I didn't ask you.)(Actually, you did.)**

"We have to go save her, Brother." Al commented to Ed, who looked like he was busy thinking. They were at a 24-hour coffee shop, just outside of Central.

Ed looked up from the table he was looking at. "Don't you think I know that, Al? It's just…"

"What?" Ed took a piece of paper from the pocket inside his coat.

"The mail guy at the hotel gave me this this morning." Read it." Ed handed him the sheet of paper.

_Hey, Fullmetal Pipsqueak!! Woah, woah, now! Before you flip out on me, I just want to let you know— even though I don't doubt that you already know— we have your little Sparky Alchemist. Don't worry; she's doing okay! For now, anyway. Meet me at Lab 8 at about 9:30pm, and I __might__ let you have her back after we chat a little. But I thought you might want to know, she would make an amazing chew toy for Gluttony. He just can't stop eating, you know? Bye bye!_

Al looked at Ed, handing back the note. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Ed sighed, stuffing the note back into his pocket.

"Because," he said, 'I thought it might be some kind of trap Envy's setting up." Ed rose from his seat, as did Al, as they both walked out.

"So, we're going to go right?" Ed nodded, his gaze fixed on something in the distance.

"Yes, but I think I should go by myself." Al stopped right there in the street to look at Ed.

"What? Brother, you can't be serious—"

"Al, if envy really is using this as a trap, I don't want you to get caught in it too."

"But brother—" Ed grinned at Al.

"Don't worry. I'll bring Shiri back, okay?"

**Alas, the sheer depth of Ed's hardheadedness is boundless, ne? Anyway…**

I sighed, poking Envy in the shoulder again. Ed-cat was walking beside us happily, an odd little bounce in his cat-like steps.

"You poke me again, you'll lose that finger **and **your head, got it?" He said, looking straight ahead of us. I noticed how we kept turning down random streets, but kept focusing on my plan: annoy Envy into submission.

"But I want to know where we're going!" I wailed, poking him a few more times for emphasis.

"I told you that I wasn't going to tell you, Sparky." He growled, "Now stop poking me before I shove you own arm down your throat." I put on a look of mock confusion, but on the inside I was cackling like a wolf-human **(A/N: KIBA!!!).**

"How would ya manage that, Envy?" He just stopped to take a second to glare at me before continuing on walking.

"I'm going to show you how in a second…" I heard him mutter under his breath. I grinned; it was so easy to get under his skin.

I counted to five. "A second has passed, Envy-chan. Five, actually." I saw his hand twitch to really do as he promised. There must be something I'm wanted unharmed for, or I'm pretty sure I'd be dead by now… Oh well.

Envy turned down a dark alley, which really creeped me out.

"Um… Why are we going down here…?" He turned to me to grin, before turning again.

"Don't worry Sparky, we're almost there…" I scowled at his change in attitude. My 'Annoy into Submission' plan has henceforth been deemed the mark FAILURE.

"And 'there' is where?" We suddenly reached a giant clearing.

"'There' is here." I looked at what he was pointing at, gasping.

"Why'd you take me to Laboratory—" I felt ropes tie around my body, cutting off my sentence and rendering me defenseless.

"Sparky, be a good little hostage and don't scream if ya want to keep your tongue, okay?" He whispered into my ear, sickly sweet. My breath hitched as he threw me to the ground. I looked to see who was walking up to us, and when I did figure out, I couldn't help but scream.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!" I screeched rather loudly, shaking in my bindings and smiling. Envy grinned, nonetheless.

"You're not getting out of those, Sparky." I scowled, but then the smile of hopefulness came back to my face at the sight of Ed's short midget body.

"Let her go." He growled simply, stepping closer. Envy shook his finger.

"Nope. We talk first, got it?" I growled, looking for a way to get out of these ropes… my pocket! I always carry an emergency switchblade in my back pocket just for times like these!! No, that's not true. I just have one because I accidently left one in there…

Anyway.

"Perfect…" I whispered, twisting the knife around in my fingers until it was in the perfect position to cut at the rope.

"You're going to use her as a sacrifice, aren't you?" Ed asked, stepping forward. Then, I noticed something terribly shocking… I'm the shortest person— Whoa!! Wait a second here!! Sacrifice?! I started to cut faster then ever, I slicing and slicing until I hear a little _snip_. I tried not to let my impending grin show by pretending to struggle in the ropes.

"Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. Who knows?" envy said, grinning. I put on a fake look of innocence.

"Please let me out!" When Envy turned to me, I saw Ed raise an eyebrow and give me a wow-you're-insane-to-try-this look before grinning. Ah, he knows me too well. Envy looked at me, bending down to my short, short level. (Dammit.)

"Now why would I do that, Sparky?" He whispered. I scowled, freeing my fist from the ropes.

"Because." I said, cutting his jugular vein with my trusty switchblade. Blood began to poor out as he flicked me off with the hand that wasn't grasping his neck.

"Bitch!" He hissed at me, narrowing his eyes and standing up as I did too.

I flashed him a peace sign. "You know it!" I walked over to Ed as he rolled his eyes.

"Where the hell did you get that?" I thought for a second before smiling.

"Stole it from ya last week." He twitched. "Idiot."

"A _smart_ idiot." I pointed out, holding up my finger. Envy, which was now healed, walked over to us with a smirk on his face.

"Look, now you got my clothes dirty…" I scowled, crossing my arms and looking at Ed.

"I got's a plan!" I said, adding in a happy thumbs up. Ed lifted an eyebrow.

"And that is…?" I looked at Envy.

"RUN LIKE HELL!!!" I screamed, grabbing Ed's automail arm and booking it outta there and dragging him along.

"Oh no ya don't, Sparky." An eerie voice whispered in my ear, scaring the crap out of me.

Let me tell you something; I have this accidental ability to store the electricity I don't use when I'm doing my alchemy in my body, and I can discharge it whenever I want. But, I also dispel that energy whenever I'm really angry, or… Scared. And that's what happened.

Now, do you remember what I was holding onto? Yup, Ed's arm. Ed's _automail _arm.

A jolt of electricity went down my arm, and into his metal arm, magnifying the small charge to a half sized charge, which could successfully disable a person's nervous system for a few minutes and make their hair stand on end. Which is what happened.

"Ed, come on!!" I shook him quickly, trying to get him to snap out of it as Envy walked up, his eyes dancing from what just happened.

"That was some bad luck, wasn't it?" After all of my ah-mazing shaking, I heard a familiar _crick-clink_, which seemed to bounce Ed back to life, somewhat.

I scowled. "Great timing for your auto-mail to break!" He scowled at me, his right eye twitching.

"It's you're damn fault!" I shrugged.

"I didn't know he was going to scare me." A grin spread across my face. "Can't wait to see Winry beat your ass." He paled at the thought.

"If I go down, I'm taking you with me, Shiri."

"Yeah right!!"

"Sorry to ruin this delightful moment, Sparky, Shorty—"

"I'm not short…" Ed muttered, but Envy ignored him.

"— but I think it's time I say goodbye." He said, as he started to walk… in the opposite direction.

"WHAT?!" I gawked at him. "You're gonna leave?!" He turned back around to grin at me.

"Oh, don't worry Sparky, I'll be back to get you." He turned to Ed, scowling. "You better take care of her. She's important, you know?" He waved a lethargic goodbye, jumping off into the shadows.

"What the hell?!?! GET BACK HERE!!!" I yelled, running after him, "You can't just kidnap me then let me go at random!!!" I would've run farther if Ed hadn't grabbed my collar, and then hit me on the head.

"Don't go and run after him!" I scowled, rubbing my now sore head.

"Do you know how much that hurt, baka?!" Ed glared at me.

"I hope it hurt! Do you know how dark it is out there, and how prone you are to running into things?" I sighed, knowing he had me there… I do run into things a lot…

I shrugged anyway, sliding my hands into my pockets. "I don't run into things as much any—" I ran into Al, falling backwards. Ed, being the gentleman he's _not_, stepped out the way so the hard, cold floor could have a reunion with my butt.

"Ow…" I lucked up at Ed, who was smirking smugly at me. "Thanks for catching me…" I muttered sourly, getting back up. "Anyway… Hey Al!" He waved at me, helping me up then looking at Ed.

"Brother, you should've helped her." All he did was shrug. I scowled, hugging Alphonse's metal body.

"Al, you're my new favorite Elric brother…"

**________________ Third Person, because I say so. Oh, and a change of atmosphere.**

Roy kept signing the papers that littered his desk. Since he didn't have Shiri to help him with the papers, there were more… and more… and more than usual. _Where is Shiri…?_

"ROY!!!" The door to his office was burst open with a very muddy Shiri, Al, and a scowling Ed appearing in the door. "I fell in some mud on the way here…" Shiri explained sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.

"_Some _mud…?" Ed commented dryly, crossing his arms. She scowled at him, placing her hand on his face and smearing a bunch of mud on it. "What the hell was that for?!" She grinned, crossing _her _arms.

"You looked like you deserved it." She said, sticking her tongue out. "Plus, your face could use some improvement," She grinned deviously, "Shorty." She drawled slowly. Al sighed, sitting down and know what was just about to happen.

"YOU'RE CALLLING ME SHORT?! EVER LOOK IN A MIRROR?!"

"I CAN'T!!! YOUR FACE KEEPS BREAKING THEM ALL!!!"

"YOU WANNA TRY THIS?!?"

"BRING IT ON, BUSTER!!!" Roy sighed as they fought, propping his head up with his hand.

"So you're okay…?" Shiri stopped trying to beat Ed and vise-versa.

"Of course I'm okay! I'm awesome! Amazing! Stupendous!" Ed rolled his golden eyes, poking Shiri in the ribs. She fell to the ground in the muddle of her rant, gripping her sides in pain.

"Ow…" Roy narrowed his eyes, walking up to her from behind his desk.

"Who hurt you?" She smiled sheepishly, getting up from the ground.

"Oh, nothing! Nobody! I just, uh, fell!" Roy turned to Ed.

"Who hurt her?" Ed shrugged, but he kept his eyes on Roy.

"She didn't tell me," He turned to Shiri, "But if I had to guess, Envy." Roy looked at her.

"Ah, what I meant was…" She started, obviously thinking something up, "I hit his fist with my ribs, his knee with my stomach and his fist again with my jaw. Multiply that by two and you'll get how much pain I dealt that sucker!!" She said, punching the air. Roy sighed, trying not to grin.

"So you're okay?"

"More or less. It's just a bruise there, a broken rib here…"

"You're ribs are broken?!" Shiri shook her head.

"Not 'ribs', 'rib. Only one. Or two. I can't remember, really." Roy scowled.

"Shiri…" She smiled at him, flashing a thumbs up.

"I'm fine! Really!" She turned around then, walking towards the door that Al blocked. "Now, I just need to go home! I'm really sleepy…" Roy grabbed her by the collar, preventing her from movement.

"Don't you even dare, Spark. You're not going to your house by yourself." Shiri huffed.

"Why?" She whined. Roy gave her a look as if she was the stupidest person on Earth.

"You were just _kidnapped_. Do you really think I would let you live by yourself now?" Shiri, who stopped paying attention at the word 'kidnapped', gasped.

"Where's Ed?!" the real Ed was just about to say something but Shiri beat him to it. "Not you!" She snapped, "The cute cat ed!" Al brightened up, reaching into the confines of his armor and pulling something out.

"Oh, you mean him?" He pointed to the blond cat that proceeded to glare at Roy for no real reason. "I knew he looked familiar!" Shiri took her cat, hugging him.

"See, this is why you're my favorite Elric brother, Al." Roy pointed at the Ed cat, then at the real Ed.

"How…?" Shiri sighed.

"Long story… Anyway, what am I suppose to do since I can't go back to my house?" Roy smirked, sitting back down in his chair and resting his chin on his hands.

"You'll be traveling with the Elrics."

**A/N: Yay!! And another chapter bites the dust!!!! Woo!!! ^dances^ Anyway, I would like you people to know that right now, Shiri and Co. are just about to go into the whole Xing arc of this here story. The part with the Devil's Nest is going to come; I just have to switch some stuff around for… ZE PLOT!!! ^dramatic music^ Anyway, here's a preview of the next chapter:**

**Lesson 4: Ramen is a dish best served on someone's head.**

_**"Al, Shiri?" Ed turned around, wondering where his comrades were.**_

_**"Brother…" he saw them huddled into an alley, looking at something. Ed raised an eyebrow, sipping a soda before walking over.**_

_**"You guys act as if you found another lost cat…" Shiri laughed sheepishly.**_

_**"Kinda…" Al lifted to show his brother… some random guy. Ed spit out his drink and Shiri looked at Ed.**_

_**"Can we keep it…?" She asked sweetly. Ed twitched.**_

_**"Don't act like he's some kind of puppy!!!!"**_

**Siyui: And there ya have it!!! Stay tuned, and Greed, tell 'em to review!!!**

**Greed: Review so we can get to my story arc quicker!!!**

**Siyui: Yes! Like Greed-nii-chan said, reviews give me the strength to update!!! So all you people who read this, please update, ne? Sayonara!!!!**


	4. Lesson 4: Ramen is best on one's head

**A/N: Hey everybody!! I gotta really funny chapter planned (and written) for yall, so sit tight for the ride and enjoy, ya hear?! Hurry up, Ling, do the disclaimer!**

**Ling: Siyui doesn't own FMA!! But she does own….**

**Siyui: A White Chocolate Mocha!!! And that's all I need, people!!! At 3:00am, I still got energy!!! Now READ!!!**

_**_____________**_

_**Lesson 4: Ramen is a Dish best served on one's head.**_

_**____________**_

"I told you, it's your fault that we have to go back to Rush Valley!" I scowled, sticking my tongue out at Ed.

"No, you should have been more prepared and known that I get scared easily." Ed twitched, clenching his fist.

"It's your fault and you know it!! You go and tell Winry you were the one that broke it!" We were on the train, about half way to Rush Valley, and I wanted some food, but I didn't say that of course, mainly because I am more high-level than that.

"I want some food…" I spurt out randomly, standing up. Guess I did say it… Anyway, I started to walk out the cabin room, but was once again immobilized by Ed.

"Where do you think your going?"

"Foooooooooood…" I wailed slowly, drawing out the 'oo' for awhile. Ed rolled his eyes before pushing me back into the chair.

"I'll go and get it. Al, watch her, okay?" Al, who was setting quietly, nodded.

"Okay Brother." I sighed vividly, latching onto Ed's arm.

"Can I go tooooooo? Pleaseeeeeeee?" I wailed again as Ed shook his arm for me to get off. "You're just gonna sit there and eat for hours, then bring me something years later, after I've withered away into dust…." I finished dramatically, my arms hanging down. But then I turned to Al.

"Not that I don't wanna stay with you, Al! I am just very hungry…" Ed rolled his eyes, half way out the door already.

"Fine." He muttered, "I have to ask you something anyway…" I waved bye to Al, closing the door.

___________________

"So," I asked in mid-bite, "Whaddaya want to ask me?" Ed, who wasn't really eating, and just staring at his food, looked up at me.

"Did you find out anything about the Homunculi?"

"They're enemies of my cat."

"What?"

"Nothing…" I swallowed my food, "Well, there is four of them. That I know of, anyway…"

"Anything else?"

"Envy has anger-management problems that could probably be fixed with therapy."

"Okay."

"Oh, and one of them sexually harassed me." I said calmly. Ed's eye twitched as he spat out his drink, all over the poor floor.

"WHAT?"

"…His name was Greed, I think. Oh, and my cat hates him. A lot." I said as I nodded, agreeing with myself.

His eye twitching, he levelly asked, "That it?" I nodded again.

"Yeppers." Ed scowled.

"Do you… know why they kidnapped you?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." Ed frowned, probably because of my lack of knowledge about the things he wants to know.

"Did they…" He looked like he was contemplating whether or not to say something. "…hurt you?" I blinked, tilting my head to the side.

"Didn't you already ask that? I told you I was fine. A broken rib, or maybe two… But that's it, 'kay?" Ed nodded, rubbing his chin in thought.

"If you say so…"

"I did say so. Weren't you listening?" He rolled his eyes at me as the train's whistle blew, signaling our arrival in Rush Valley.

"Come on," He said, "We have to go get Al."

"I'm already here." I blinked, pointing a finger at Al, who was standing cheerfully behind me.

"…How I didn't hear you come from behind me when you're a giant hunk of metal, I'll never know…"

________________

It was easy to see that Ed really didn't want to have to go and see Winry. It was so obvious that his antenna was twitching and he was messing with the side trim of his coat.

So, being the kind friend I am, I offered him so hope.

"… Don't worry Ed. She won't kill you completely! Probably only just a little!" Then I realized that I only made it worse when Ed hung his head down and his chin hit his chest. "Eh… Sorry?"

We arrived at Garfiel's on moments later, as I saw Ed put on his "I'm royally screwed face" when Winry walked out.

"Hey guys… Shiri!" We both grinned, running up and giving each other a hug. "It's been awhile!"

"I know right?" Trying to by Ed some time before his death, I continued the conversation. "We gotta have a girl's night out sometime, ya know?" We kept talking for quite a few minutes, until Winry brought her attention back to Ed and Al.

Ed, rubbing the back of his head, asked sheepishly, "Lovely day isn't it?"

Not even skipping a beat, she asked, "So… What brings you guys here?" And that's when he showed her the broken automail…

**Warning: Extreme Edward Elric Abuse was in the next couple of paragraphs; so extensive that it must be censored, for this is a T-rated fic.**

After Al and I watched Ed be maimed by a wrench and Winry bandage up his automail until she could get the new parts, we all walked around the great city of Rush Valley.

Then Al and I saw something in an alley…

_**SWITCH TO THRID PERSON!!!**_

"Al, Shiri?" Ed turned around, wondering where his comrades left to suddenly.

"Brother…" Ed saw them huddled into an alley, looking at something. Ed raised an eyebrow, sipping his soda before walking over.

"What is it? You guys act as if you found another lost cat…" Shiri laughed sheepishly.

"Kinda…" Al lifted to show his brother… some random guy. Ed spit out his drink and Shiri looked at Ed.

"Can we keep it…?" She asked sweetly, puppy dog eyes ablaze. Ed twitched.

"Don't act like he's some kind of puppy!" Ed yelled. "Put it back where you found it!" Now, the force of Shiri _and _Al's puppy dog eyes were upon him (how Al could make a puppy dog face and be a suit of armor, the world my never know…)

**(I realize, I have a lot of guts to type funnier stuff today… hey, there's even an extra story at the bottom, so read the WHOLE thing!!)**

Now, there were reasons Edward Elric didn't like foreigners.

And the guy sitting in front of him was a magnificent example.

"I'm alive! You guys saved my life! Thanks!" The random guy that we, the readers know but the characters don't know, who we shall address RGTRKBTCDK, said happily. "By the way, thanks for the food!"

"I didn't say I was going to pay for it."

"Don't worry about the little things in life!" Ed twitched.

"DON'T SAY THAT!" Ignoring Ed's outburst, RGTRKBTCDK (coughLINGcough) sighed happily.

"Ah, for such kind people to look after me in a foreign land… I'm truly thankful." He said, wiping his eyes with a napkin.

Shiri tilted her head slightly. "Foregin? You don't live here?"

"Yep! I came from Xing!"

Under his breath, Ed whispered, "Knew it," before also saying in a regular tone of voice, "That giant nation to the east?"

"Bingo! The desert was like walking through hell, though…" He said, sighing.

"Then why did you go that way?" Al inquired (A/N: Why did I use that word…?).

"I wanted to see the Xerxes ruins."

"Cercheeves?" Shiri pronounced wrong.

"_Xerxes_." Ed pronounced right. Shiri rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, I heard that there was only sand, dirt, and some more sand."

"Just went for research, really. I came to this country for Eastern Alchemy-related research, too."

Ed narrowed his eyes before mumbling, "Our alchemy is only really used for war in this country… Skirmishes are all over the borders."

"This is such a scary country…"

"It became so militarized since King Bradley became the Führer President." Shiri, who was drink a soda and eating tons of food without poor Ed knowing it, set down her leg of ham.

"I'm really curious though," she said, "about this coolio alchemy for healing…" And she bit another piece of ham off.

"Me too…" Al trailed off.

RGTRKBTCDK (who is DEFINITELY NOT Ling Yao) rested his chin on the palm of his hand. "Are you guys alchemist?" Ed nodded.

"I'm Edward Elric, a State Alchemist."

"I'm his younger brother, Alphonse Elric. Nice to meet you."

"And I'm Shiri, also a State Alchemist." Ed twitched slightly at that.

"I'm Ling Yao!" (A/N: ^gasp^ The mystery was solved…) "The pleasure is mine!" He added, grasping their hands.

"Ah, Ling," Edward started, full of hope and excitement, "could you explain to us your Eastern Alchemy to us?"

"Can't! I'm not an alchemist!" Ling said with a happy laugh.

Poor Ed, his hopes and dreams shot down like usual.

Poor Ed.

"What the hell"—twitch—"did you come to research"—twitch—"if you're not an alchemist?!"

"Just a little something," The RGTRKBTCDK, who we now know (knew) as Ling Yao, started, "You guys might know something about it…"

^cue dramaticness^

"…The Philosopher's Stone." And BAM (!!) his once squinted eyes opened! Ed, Al, and Shiri all did a collective gasp as he continued. "I really want it… Do you know anything about it?"

It was silent for a moment until Shiri spoke up. "Nope. 'Can't say we do." She snapped her fingers in a 'darn' format.

"…Seems like you do." Then Ling snapped _his _fingers.

INSTANT GUARDS

There was a kunai at Ed's neck, one at Shiri's, and then a sword in Al's armpit (Obviously there were two ninjas.)

"Care to tell me?"

"Care to tell me what you're going to use it for first?" Shiri snapped back, angry that there was a sharp object was pressed against her neck.

"To find the way to gain immortality." He replied smoothly. "Care to tell me now?"

"Stupid…" Ed muttered under his breath, though Ling still heard it.

"I'm being completely serious."

"Besides," Ed said, "This doesn't seem like the right thing to do…" he pushed the blade on his neck back with his automail, "when asking for a favor!" He pushed his fist out to the ninja's face, but then he spun up (in the air, mind you) and kicked Ed to the ground.

"Brother…!" Al said exasperatedly, grasping the blade of the sword protruding into his personal arm-pit bubble.

"Are you going to retaliate too?" The ninja, being, well, a ninja jumped up and kicked Al in the side of the head, sending him flying right next to Ed.

The younger ninja turned to Shiri. "Still not gonna tell you guys anything…" Shiri muttered, before getting a kick that sent her flying through the air… and landing on Ed's back. "Owie…"

"What are they, acrobats?" Shiri shook her head.

"Silly Ed, they're ninjas."

"Martial arts from Xing, maybe?" Al offered.

"This might be tough…"

"True dat, true dat." Shiri said thoughtfully, nodding.

"GET OFFA ME!" She dejectedly hopped off, standing up along with Al and Ed.

"But still…" Shiri said, grinning.

"They're nothing…" Ed added.

"…compared to our master!" Al finished.

_______

Two ninja fights and one re-broken arm of automail later…

_______

"Brother!" Al yelled, a bundled up ninja in one arm.

"Yo, Al." Ed responded, waving with his broken arm.

"Wow, you guys really did a good job!" Ling said happily, popping out of seemingly nowhere.

"That's right, right thar." Shiri said, also popping out of the same seemingly nowhere.

"SHIRI?!" She nodded.

"Yup, that is indeed my name, Edward Elric."

"WHERE THE_ HELL_ HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

"Helping Ling run up your food bill and endangering the sanity of a waiter."

"BUT YOU JUST ATE!"

"Stating the obvious is for losers, Edward Elric."

Ed decided to just stop wasting breath on her, and decided to waste it on Ling. "You… coming out like that!"

"Man, you guys are really strong…" Ling, now with a spark of hopefulness, added, "How about it? Become my underlings and let's rule a country?"

Responses:

Al: ^silence^

Shiri: …That entitles me to food and random useless luxuries, right? Okay? THEN I'M IN IT TA WIN IT, BABY!!

Ed: QUIT DAYDREAMING!! How about you go back—

"There they are!"

Cue collections of "Hmm…?"

"You guys destroyed a lot of our city!" said angry city dweller number one.

"I hope you plan to pay for it." said randomly huge city dweller.

"Do forget to pay for all that food, too." said the third one.

"A-and my therapist b-bills!" said a waiter that was twitching dramtically.

"Whoa, whoa! Hang on a sec!" Ed pleaded, "All the repairs and food bills should be to these guys…" Ed pointed to Ling.

"Er… Me no speak language of country! Sayonara!" he yelled, waving goodbye.

Shiri, deciding that staying with Ed only meant work, added, "I don't know these people." And scooted off.

"LING, SHIRI! GET BACK HERE!!"

Ed vowed to himself that he was going to hurt both of them the next time he say them.

"The ninjas got away!"

"That one too?!"

__________

"We're back!" Ed yelled happily into Garfiel's shop.

"So our paths cross again!"

"How's it hanging Edo?" Ed's sanity cracked, angry at the sight of these two deserters, and smacked them both upside the head with his automail.

"What are you doing here?!" he yelled to Ling before turning to Shiri, "And why didn't you help us?!"

"That's horrible! I thought me were friends!" Ling wailed, getting up from the floor.

"Ow, Ed, I think you just gave me some brain trauma…"

Ignoring Shiri's comment, Ed got all creepy. "Who are you calling a friend?!"

And Ed would have gotten his revenge…

If Winry didn't just enter the room.

___**DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!**_

_____

**A/N: I know it seems shorter than usual, but the reason is that I wanted to put in a little extra for my faithful readers out there!! ^gets binoculars and scopes around^ I know you're there!! Anyway, this is what's happening as Ed and Al fight… ENJOY!!!**

_**______Still Third person…!**_

"So… How are you doing?" Shiri asked Ling politely, crossing her legs like a young lady as she sat in the seat of the table.

"Well… You?"

"I'm doin' great!" Then, she got an idea… "Hey… I'm kinda hungry… wanna run up Ed's food bill?" Ling, liking any ideas that have to do with food and other people paying the bills for it, nodded.

"Great! What should be first…?" Shiri called over the waiter.

"What is the most expensive dish in this restaurant?"

The waiter was confused at her question, but answered nonetheless. "Er… the award-winning five star ramen package."

"…And what does that include?" Ling asked happily.

"Let's see… A bowl of award-winning five star ramen, shrimp tempura, and a salad." Shiri looked at Ling, and they both nodded.

"That's coolio…"

"…We'll take eight!"

_-_-_-_-_-

"Ling…"

"Yes…" After eating their fill of pricy ramen, the duo of freeloaders had a bowl left over.

"…What should we do with that last bowl of ramen? I feel as if it shouldn't go wasted, y'know?"

"Ah… I see your point."

"What should we do with it?" Ling grinned, whispering a plan to her.

_-_-_-_-_-

"WAITER!" Shiri yelled, "THIS RAMEN IS DEFAULTY!"

Running over to her aid, the waiter looked at her. "Yes? What's wrong with it?"

Sighing, Shiri said, "Well, sir, my companion can't seem to get his ramen off of his head." Lo and behold, Ling had a bowl of ramen draped over his head.

The waiter, his eye twitching, yelled, "You do realize that that ramen cost you a ton of money, right?!?!"

"I do, sir, but that is not the problem here." She pointed to Ling, who was licking up all of the ramen on his face with his tongue. "He cannot get the ramen off of his head, and he could die from asphyxiation if the remedy to this problem isn't found soon."

"HE CAN BREATHE!!! HE'S SLURPING UP THE NOODLES!!!"

"I'm afraid I going to have to sue you, sir. My companion just died."

"HE ISN'T DEAD! HE JUST LAID ON THE GROUND AND STARTED TO GO TO SLEEP!!!"

"I shall have the sue-papers tomorrow."

"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SUE-PAPERS!"

"Then how else would you sue people, incompetent waiter-san?"

"Yeah, how else would you sue people?"

"SEE?! HE JUST GOT UP!!!"

"He's a ghost that'll testify in your suing, obviously.

**A/N: And there you go!! And that's also where the name of the chapter came from too, just in case you wanted to know. Ah, I love Ling! I'm so glad he's finally in the story! After all, he is a prince! (Ushishishishi! Hey, any KHR fans out there?!) So, thanks for reading!!**

**Ling: Review!**

**Shiri: Review, and tell Author-dono if you want more of those little stories at the end of chapters in them!!**

**Ling: Oh, and she also wants to beta-read people! So, if you need somebody to beta read, PM her!!!**

**Shiri: And… What do you guys feel about a Christmas Special?**

**Siyui: Thanks, guys! Oh, and I tried to make this chapter extra funny because we all know what's coming up next in the plotline… ^sniffles^**

**Preview:**

**Lesson 5: Sadness paves the way for happiness.**

_I looked down into my lap. "Maes… he's dead?"_

_ All I got in response was a solemn nod._

_ "And why was I the last one to know?" I asked, my temper rising little by little._

_He didn't have an answer for that. _


	5. Lesson 5: Pave the Road for Happiness

**A/N: This update is due to being really really really sick and being out all week so I had time to type. Anyway, Disclaimer?**

**Shenori: Siyui-no-Akatsuki doesn't own FMA, or any of its characters. She does, however, own Shiri, and me!! ^claps^ Good deal.**

**Siyui: You're not even in the story yet… They don't know who you are…**

**Shenori: ^grin^ Oh, they will soon enough…**

**Siyui: Start the story! **

** ____________**

** Lesson 5: Sadness Paves the Road to Happiness… There Will be Bright Skies Again.**

** ____________**

"Eeeeeeeeddd…" The Alchemist turned to me, eye twitching.

"What do you want Shiri?!"

"Ed… I'm bored…" I wailed melodramatically. We were, once again, on a train.

And it was all the way to Central, which was a three hour train trip. And, only twenty minutes in, I was bored.

Very, very _bored_. Personally, I think it was because of lack of people to talk to, because Ed was concentrating on something so nobody could talk unless it was him. Nobody knew where the hell Ling was, apparently he had run off again. His instant ninjas thought that he might have fallen into another alley and died, so they were very worried. What was fun was that I knew that he was on the train, just in the meal cart running up Ed's tab.

But, alas, since I can't speak, I can't tell Ed of these happenings.

Ha. Stick that in your juice box and suck it. But, the problem was…

I WAS STILL BORED. Winry couldn't even come along because she still had work to do at Garfiel's, which meant that she'd just have to come later.

"Alllllllllll… I'm hungry… Get Ed to get me foooooood…" Al turned to Ed, who was looking out the window.

"Brother…" All Ed did was turn to us and glare death.

We decided not to bother him anymore.

__________________ Two hours and forty terribly boring minutes later______________

"Young master!!! Where are you!!"

"He's passed out somewhere… I just know he has!"

I felt sorry for the instant ninja. Who knows where Ling is now…

Anyway, we finally got to Central, and I was ready to take a nap and eat some chicken! 'Cause I was very hungry, and Ed had deprived me of food because he's mean like that…

"Well, let's go say hi to the military first." My head twisted itself to face Ed's face after that comment.

"No. Food now, military later." I deadpanned, grabbing Ed's black collar and pulling him towards the restaurant that was nearby. "I'm so hungry that if I don't eat anything in the next five minutes, I'm going to eat the world." Ed scoffed.

"You can't go a measly three hours without food? And you call yourself an alchemist…" I glared at him again before reaching into his pocket and pulling out… a bag of potato chips.

"Yeah. I call myself an alchemist that doesn't transmute a bag of potato chips while no one else is looking, fart face." Ed grinned sheepishly while Al looked at him with his 'brother-I-can't-believe-you-did-something-like-that' face.

"Okay, we can go get food, then report to the military…"

Ha. I always win.

____________________ Thirty food-filled minutes later_________________

"Now we go to the military?" I nodded happily, rubbing my stomach.

"Yup. Now that I have been fed." I put a finger to my chin in thought for a moment. "Plus, I wanted to see Lt. Colonel Hughes for awhile. I didn't see him the, like, day I was back." Al nodded.

"Yeah! I want to see him too…" Ed nodded, smiling.

"Okay. We'll see him after the military." I threw my hands up in the air.

"Yay!!! Pie tiiiiiiiime!!" I started skipping towards the headquarters, my arms swaying in time with the beat. I skipped past a telephone booth, stopping, backtracking, and walking into it.

"Shiri, what are you doing?" I heard Ed inquire (A/N: Okay, really?) as I picked up the phone.

"Hello, operator?" For some reason, I didn't get a dial tone, or anything, for that matter. Setting the phone down, I walked out of the booth."Hmm… weird."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "What?" I shrugged, putting my hands in my pockets.

"For some reason, the phone isn't working. I was planning to call Gracia and Elicia…" I said sadly, my sentence trailing off. Ed shrugged.

"What does it matter? You'll see them soon enough." I grinned, walking into the headquarters building.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I could see that he was about to say something else when…

"Huh? Lieutenant Hawkeye!" The blonde woman turned to us, smiling.

"Ah, it's been awhile." I smiled, while Ed grimaced, his face falling.

"If you're here, that means…"

"Sorry to make you wait." Ed's face turned into one akin to a demon's. Roy walked around the corner, holding some files.

"I knew it…"

"Oh! Fullmetal! Sparky!" Roy said, surprise crossing his features. Ed's antenna twitched as he held his head like he had a headache.

"Why the hell are you here, Colonel?"

Almost as if he was happy about it, Roy replied, "I was transferred to Central effective last month." This, obviously, made Ed's scowl deepen. "And what about you? What brings you here?"

"Just collecting some information…"

"And we plan on saying hi to Lt. Colonel Hughes!" I said happily. "We haven't seen them in awhile, and I didn't even see him the day I was here…" For some reason, Roy's eyes widened slightly and Riza didn't look us in the eye.

"He's no longer here…" My eyebrows knotted together into a look of confusion.

"Hmm? Where'd he go?"

"To the countryside." Roy deadpanned, adding, before I could say anything, "He took his wife and daughter too. He's taking up the family business."

"It's dangerous working in the military after all." Al said, looking at me.

Ed looked down before grumbling, "I see… too bad."

"Philosopher's Stone and Homunculus, right? I'll contact you if I find anything on that." Roy said. It seemed like he just wanted to change the subject. "Let's go, Lieutenant."

Riza nodded, "Yes."

Not even turning to face us before he left, Roy added, "Don't you guys jump to any conclusions and do anything weird." I blinked.

"Sure…?"

Confused at why he would say that, Ed replied, "Yeah, whatever."

* * *

"Homunculus… Human transmutation… The Uroboros tattoo…"

"…Ed, I'm hungry again." I muttered, breaking his train of thought. We were in the hotel room, Al had gone to go get the paper, and Ed was thinking. He turned to me, glaring.

"Then go get some damn food!" I looked up from my upside down spot on the floor with puppy dog eyes.

"But you took the pass that lets us get any food."

"Because I know if I give it to you you'll spend it all up!" And, of course, this argument would continue for ever and ever…

"BROTHER! SHIRI!" The giant piece of metal we know as Al yelled, startling Ed and making him fall onto the ground, which I happened to be laying on, and so I pushed him off of me and into the coffee table.

"Please don't scare me…" I muttered, feeling my hurt head…

"Broth…" Al held up the newspaper. "The headline…Newspaper… this…" He handed it to Ed; he looked at Al with an apprehensive look before reading the newspaper.

"What… The hell?" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking at the newspaper.

"What the big…" I looked at the headline and almost choked on the air I was breathing.

_**2**__**nd**__** Lt. Ross, Convicted as the murderer of Brigadier General Maes Hughes.**_

I gave the paper back to Ed. I could feel myself shivering as I tried to stay standing up.

"He's…" I took off running, out the door.

_______________________ 3rd person now…___________________

Shiri ran down the alley. She heard Al and Ed following her, but she didn't think about that entirely too much. _That means… He lied to me…_ Shiri gritted her teeth, balling up her fists as she came to an alleyway with smoke.

"Hello, Spark." Roy was standing in the alleyway, amidst all the smoke. Shiri covered her nose at the smell…

"Ugh…" She looked around, her eyes falling onto what looked like the charred remains of a body… one with the ID tag of Maria Ross.

She looked at the ground. "Maes… he's dead?"

All Shiri got in response was a solemn nod.

"And why were we the last ones to know?" She asked, her temper rising little by little.

He didn't have an answer for that.

Shiri looked up at Roy, balling her fist again. "What's going on Roy? Tell me!" She gritted her teeth again when she got no answer. "When was… he killed, huh?"

Ed and Al had just got there, and Al was holding Ed back.

"How long have you known, huh?" She started crying, little fleck of blue appearing here and there. "When did you plan on telling us?!"

"An officer of higher rank doesn't have to answer a lower rank." Roy said simply, looking down at the young state alchemist.

"When are you going to stop using excuses, Roy?" She growled, the blue flecks around her connecting."When are you going to stop treating us like freakin' babies? !"

"When you stop acting like them." Shiri didn't say anything else. Instead, she put her hand on her necklace, but before she could do anything, Al put a hand on her shoulder.

"Shiri…" She put down her hand, falling onto the ground.

"Fine." She muttered, closing her eyes.

Al looked at Shiri once before looking back at Roy. "What's going on, Colonel?"

"The murderer of Hughes, Maria Ross, was on the run and an order to kill her had been issued. That's all." He said, his eyes closed.

"That doesn't explain anything!" Al yelled.

"I apologize for hiding Hughes's death from you." Ed looked at Roy heatedly, while Shiri glowered at him.

"I don't— won't forgive you." Roy closed his eyes again for a moment before looking back at Shiri.

"I didn't ask for that." With that, Roy left.

__

"It's my fault." Ed muttered, "I pulled him into this…." Shiri looked up at Ed.

"It's not your fault, Ed…" She mumbled, "He got brought into the wrong mess…" Shiri stood up, dusting herself off. The coroner had confirmed that the body was indeed Maria's, by the teeth analysis. The military then took Maria's body off the scene. They were just sitting there, waiting.

"So, what are we going to do now?" Ed asked openly, looking up at the nighttime sky. This caused Shiri's eyes to widen as she tilted her head.

"This is the first time you've ever asked me about anything." She said, crossing her arms and sitting back down. Ed just shrugged.

"Since I don't know, I thought you might know." Before Shiri could say anything, though, Al spoke.

"We could go visit teacher," Al offered, finally speaking up after a long time.

___________________

"Why do we have to have a freakin' escort?!" Obviously, Ed was not happy. Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc sighed.

"You know the answer to that, Fullmetal. Too much weird stuff has been happening." Ed scowled his 'dammit-you're-right-and-I-have-to-listen' scowl. Shiri, on the other hand, was sitting on bench in the headquarters' lobby, swinging her legs.

"So... Who'll going to be escorting us?" Al asked, sparing his brother a small glace. Havoc smiled, crossing his arms.

"Lieutenant Colonel Timberlan." Ed put his hand to his chin, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I don't think I've ever heard of him…" Havoc shrugged.

"You probably haven't. Hell, I haven't even met 'em. The higher ups say that he was promoted just recently, and is one of the best alchemists out there." Shiri nodded happily.

"I can't wait to meet them…" Without warning, a young woman, about twenty-one, with long brown hair in high ponytail ran down the hallway at what seemed like top speed.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry..." She said quickly, running up to them and looking at Ed. "Hey, kid, do you know where the Fullmetal Alchemist and the Spark Alchemist are?" She rubbed the back of her head. "I can't seem to find them…"

Before Ed could even through his temper tantrum, the woman turned to Al. "Ah! It must be you! Hello Fullmetal—" Al scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Er, I'm not…" And then… Ed exploded.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THEY CAN'T SEE OVER A PEBBLE?!?!" The woman turned to Havoc.

"Is he okay? I think they have medicine to fix his problem…" Havoc sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah, he's okay… Oh, and have you seen Lt. Colonel Timberlan? He was supposed to be here—" Grinning, the woman pointed at her chest.

"Lieutenant Colonel Shenori Timberlan, at your service." Ed stopped temper-tantruming and looked at Shenori with an abrasive look on his face.

"You can't be… you're a girl." Al and Shiri sweatdropped at the way Ed said that. Suddenly, Shenori's demeanor… changed.

And it also got a little bit darker in the room.

Picking up Ed by his collar, Shenori looked at him in the eye with amethyst pupils. "Listen here little kid: say that to me again…" She pulled out a sword with red and silver hilt and pointed it at his nose. Al, Shiri, and Havoc blanched. "…and you'll be on the wrong end of this sword, got it?" Ed nodded, feeling his antenna fall off (of course, another one took its place immediately).

"Y-yeah…" Shenori smiled, letting go of Ed.

"I'm glad we could reach an understanding." Shenori, turning to Shiri while Al tried to put Ed's soul back into his body, smiled. "And I'm guessing you're the Spark Alchemist?" Shiri nodded. Shenori held out her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you." Shiri shook it, grinning.

"Nice to meet you too." Shenori turned to Ed, who had regained a humanoid form, and motioned for him to get up.

"Time to go, Fullmetal." She turned to Al. "To Dublith, correct?"

"Yup." Al said, nodding. Shenori smiled again.

"Okay! The train leaves in about… twenty minutes, so we better leave!" She turned to Havoc, her smile turning into a grin. "Thanks." She said, also adding with a scratch to the back of her neck, "Sorry I was late…" Havoc waved off her apology, smiling.

"It was nothing." He said, waving them off. As they left, he put his hands in his pockets.

"Well, time to go on my date!"

**A/N: I know, I know. I feel as if I rushed that too. Did I? Aw… Well, at least now—**

**Greed: We have my arc now, right! **

**Siyui: ^sheepishly^ Actually… no… ^before Greed can say anything^ Anyway, Kuchaki, that's your character!! I'm sorry if she's not exactly like you wanted her to be, but that's okay, right?**

**Ling: I'm hungry.**

**Siyui: Thank you for voicing you opinion.**

**Ling: ^faints and falls on the ground^**

**Siyui: Well, that was completely pointless… Anywho, preview time!!!**

**Preview:**

**Lesson 6: Edward Elric can be thrown much farther than you'd expect.**

_** Ed twitched in the wake of his teacher's stare.**_

_** "You guys… Did what?" Shiri grinned sheepishly.**_

_** "Well, since I better be off now…" She tried to leave, but a hand grabbed her collar.**_

_** "Don't you even dare." Al, Shiri, and Ed all gulped.**_

_** They were going to die.**_


End file.
